Winning the Comparison Game

Hello, hello, hello…good to see you! 

I have some really interesting news for you.  If you take it in, you’ll be a lot freer than most of people on the planet.

Whoever you’re comparing yourself to right now is dealing with some dark shit that you don’t want any part of.

You know that saying, the devil you know is better than the one that we don’t?  We are so lucky because regardless of the shit we’ve been through, it’s ours.  And since you’re reading this, you have done an amazing job of surviving it and now thriving.  What does the Batman villain Bane say? “Oh, you think darkness is your ally? But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, molded by it.”  Advanced Bitches understand and are continuously healing what we were born in and molded by.

If you handed me something someone else adopted or was molded by, I’d be completely lost and would have to start my healing over, which is why I created tools to stop comparing (which you will find all 3 in my Irreverent Imposter Syndrome Guide Class).

I was once being super jealous of Paige DeSorbo from Summer House.  I wished someone would send me all those outfits and shoes.  But it lifted pretty quickly because, bitch, I have trouble opening the boxes of shit I order.  The envy fully left my body when I saw her lying in bed on her phone in a room looking like it would be the fanciest room on Hoarders.  The sheer amount of stuff in that room made me instantly know I do not want or need that kind of life.

That’s surface level stuff and it worked to get me unhooked, but what I truly know is that she’s got something else going on.  Because everyone does.  One tool that I invented for us right now is that for every post you see, just know there is a big pile of psychological shit right out of frame.  Sometimes, we get confirmation (Bennifer) and sometimes we’re not (yet), but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Another thing I have just decided for us is that social media is a sickness period. One of the things it attacks is the comparison centers of our psyche. I’m reading The Age of Magical Overthinking by Amanda Montell and she points out that the pain of comparison is fueled by the “zero-sum bias.” In a nutshell it means that if someone else is winning, we must be losing. We never look at someone’s follower count and think, “Wow!!! She did that, I can do that toooooo! How cool she opened up that possibility for me.” No, we instead attack ourselves.

As CPTSD kids, the zero-sum bias was an important part of how we stayed alive and we trained ourselves to compare, which always leaves us losing, which was familiar. Advanced Bitches train our brains to shield the wounded child within from the rewounding of the zero-sum bias.

Let me know if the two tools I gave you worked for you and if you need more tools to stop comparing, take my Irreverent Imposter Syndrome Guide Class because comparing fuels imposter syndrome.

With so much love and fairy dust,

Elizabeth