When We're Fused with a Negative Thought

Today I was asked to present the Ladder of Trust to a group of business owners and coaches.  It was fun to teach it to newbies and it reminded me of how good the tool is.  They loved it!  If you haven’t read my book yet (the coach who asked me to teach to her membership said it changed her life after a huge betrayal, which is how I got the gig) here is the Amazon link to my book The Irreverent Trust Guide and here is the link to the free playlist on YouTube.  If you don’t follow me there yet, YouTube is where I post one question for Ask an Advanced Bitch each week. 

Today’s Fairy Dusted Lesson:

I have come to understand that anything not kind, loving and unconditional positive regard toward ourselves is a dysfunction of the brain.  As The Onion says “Study Finds Smacking Own Head Yelling “Stupid, Stupid” Could Be Early Signs of Low Self-Esteem.”  Same.

In any other scenario, we would filter out the impurities.   If you were digging for gold and you scooped up a large chunk of dirt, you would use some sieve to separate the gold from the dirt and trash.  Instead, when it comes to our thoughts, we keep the dirt and trash and throw out the gold, calling it insignificant.

Lil quick check in:  Are you beating yourself up for choosing the dirt over the gold?  Here’s your pickle: That’s still you picking the dirt.  It’s like saying, “I’m so stupid for throwing out the gold and keeping the dirt, therefore, I should continue to throw out the gold and keep, save and cherish the dirt.” 

This is not easy nor simple, but remember, we’re advanced.  This is our calling.

One thing that might be helpful is understanding that the trauma that is the “I am stupid,” or “you’re so stupid (toward self) is not us, it’s the internalized trauma voice/inner saboteur.  Not new information for us.  But one thing you might consider is that you are “fused” (in parts work, they use the word “blended with that part”) with a thought like that.  It FEELS like it’s you talking, but if you truly believe all beings deserve compassion and you are also a being, then it must be some kind of hoodwinking that is making you believe that “you are stupid.”

Try – this thought is saying “I’m stupid” or “you’re stupid” or I’m having a thought about “I’m stupid.”  Thus, you create some space between the internalized trauma voice and the real you.  Another thing to try is, “oh right I don’t talk to myself like that anymore, why is my brain/psyche spitting out that thought?  You could also ask how the thought “I’m stupid” is trying to protect you in this moment?

When we become conscious, part of that is becoming conscious of the fact that we are operating with a trauma compromised brain full of old neuropathways.  Yet, because of the magic of neuroplasticity, our brains are willing to give you new pathways that don’t treat you like shit.  It’s our responsibility to show it another way instead of reinforcing the wounding by agreeing that “I’m stupid” (or whatever the tired, ancient insult du jour it wants to throw at us).