The One Thing That CPTSD Kids Can Always Count On

Did you know I have a YouTube Channel that is the new home of Ask an Advanced Bitch?  Last week I answered a question about repetitive dreams (click here) and this week I’ll answer a question about two different levels of messiness in one household.  If you have a question for me, simply reply to this email with your question and please subscribe to a bitch’s YouTube channel. 

Today’s Fairy Dusted Lesson

It’s crazy how your whole life can change with a new perspective.  Remember when you found out that CPTSD was a thing and everything about your life just made more sense? 

Nothing had changed AND everything changed.  That’s what’s going on with me right now.  

I feel unsettled AND completely liberated.  Things make so much sense AND I’ve been walking around with an “Uh, Oh…I’m in trouble” emotional flashback for over a week now.  A friend said, “…and you’re turning 60 next week,” and I said, “true, but it actually feels like I’m turning 6.”

My friend and I also have a lil phrase we say to each other when it feels like things are going to shit AND you have an inner knowing that what you’re going through is HUGE and MAGICAL.  It’s based on the time she said she was going on a cleanse by ceasing contacting an old friend who wasn’t very nice to her.  So, when everything came crashing down as a result we say to each other: “Fuck, the cleanse is working.”  

So, good news, the cleanse is working, but it feels so fucking uncomfortable.  

That brings me to the best news, which is the tools are still working and they are the same.  They are my old reliable.  My new perspective had to do with fawning in a particular relationship and realizing how my tools provide me with a lighthouse when I’m feeling a little out to sea.

The first one I revisited was The Cycle of Abuse and more importantly, how to get off of it (I have a video series about that on my website.  Click here to access it for free).  It was helpful to remind myself while the person was trying to enlist me to restart at the Honeymoon phase of the cycle how to not fall for the love bombing.  Here are the 5 ways to resist getting hooked back into the cycle.

1. Awareness of the Cycle:  The Cycle wants you to forget that it’s the basis of your relationship.  I didn’t want to admit to myself that I had fallen asleep with this person and was on the cycle with them.  Fuck. 
2. Self-Nurturing:  Treating yourself with kindness and unconditional positive regard.  I soothed myself through the emotional flashback, got support and rested.

3. Problem Solving:  What is the Actual Problem here?  In my case the problem was my level of self-love has increased so much that I cannot allow myself to be treated the way I was treated.  I solved my problem by getting support and setting iron clad boundaries.

4. My Recovery:  Work on yourself and not the other person.  What am I being called to work on during this time that has nothing to do with the other person?  In my case, I noticed my food was getting sloppy and less healthy, my house was getting messy, and my habits were falling away.  That had to be my focus.
5. Relationship Management:  Maintaining the relationship while staying curious about the relationship.  I’m not ending the relationship, so I used the Ladder of Trust to monitor contact (when they reached out with a joke, I responded with the appropriate hahahhahaha and when they didn’t reach out, I gave them the space they were asking for).

One of the most stabilizing things in the life of a CPTSD kid is that our tools never leave us, never let us down, never stop working.  They are dependable and give us the stability we never had.