The Highly Sensitive Bitch

It’s such a joke when anyone – especially a child is called "too sensitive." It’s a soul searing accusation.  Using “too sensitive” as a slur is pretty ironic given that it is our sensitivity that makes us the empathetic and magical people that we are.  

In general, if someone were to say you were “too pretty" or "too smart” in a mean way - you’d be like – um thanks and wonder what tf is wrong with the person thinking those were insults (although I admit that dysfunctional parents find ways to use beauty and intelligence as weapons as well).  

The truth someone is hiding from you is that when they say you are “too sensitive,” they are actually saying, “Hey, you have really high social intelligence – you’re gonna do great in this world,” or “you’re so compassionate and caring,” or “wow, you make me feel so loved.”  In other words, “you’re too sensitive” is gaslighting.  Then, in turn we gaslight ourselves by being ashamed of our own sensitivity.  Fuck that.

I finally had to invent a tool for myself so I wouldn’t get hurt anymore by those who call me “too sensitive,” (including myself*).  The deal I’ve made with myself is that anyone can call me “too sensitive” under one condition – they must not be receiving any benefits from my sensitivity.  For instance, if I scream when I’m startled, the person that scared me from simply moving from one room to another doesn’t get to call me “too sensitive” if they also receive any love or compassion from me.  You don’t get to insult me for things you benefit from.  Just like the TikTok – “If I’m too much, go find less.”  If I’m too sensitive, please, go find cold and uncaring.

Not only do I hope you begin using my tool, I encourage you begin to understand and own your sensitivity in such a way that you see your sensitivity as one of your best and most awesome features.  If you feel that you don't know how to manage it or if you need support in a relationship or culture that doesn't value your gift, follow the thread to the resources you need such as reading The Highly Sensitive Person.. Another resource I really like is the website www.introvertdear.com

Magical Assignment:

Think of the last person who shamed you for being “too sensitive.”  How did they/do they actually benefit from the fact that you’re highly sensitive by being in a relationship with you?

*One example of how I benefit from my sensitivity because it’s the thing that makes me a great counselor, therefore, I no longer get to shame myself for my own sensitivity because I benefit from it.

Resource: Aron, Elaine. The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You.