Self-Sabotage and The Psychological Immune System

A lot of buttons were pushed when I taught in the CPTSD class about willpower and motivation that self-sabotage is not a thing.  For me, having CPTSD and making no move toward a goal and calling it self-sabotage is like having the flu and calling being unable to get out of bed self-sabotage.  Being an Advanced Bitch means that we don’t just consider the pre-frontal cortex as the only part of our brain.  There are a lot of other parts of the brain at play and many of those parts are still being influenced by unhealed trauma or healed trauma that gets reactivated because it has been triggered.  

We all know that when we’re weak from the flu it’s because our physiological immune system is directing your energy to saving your life from the infection or virus.  We don’t shame ourselves for this.  We don’t like it and wish we had the energy we have when we’re well, but we get it and don’t hate ourselves for it.  Advanced Bitches know that we have a psychological immune system that will also direct your energy where it needs to because it thinks it’s saving your life.  Just like the physiological immune system, we don’t have to tell our white blood cells to hop to it – it does this outside of our conscious awareness.  Our psychological immune system is hopping to it outside of your conscious awareness as well.  

When the flu has your physiological immune system, you say, “Oh shit, I have the flu.”  When your CPTSD has your psychological immune system protecting you, you say, “I’m a lazy piece of shit that will never achieve my dreams.”  

Why don’t I do what I say I want to do sometimes?  Because trauma.  CPTSD has decided for whatever reason that the thing I say I want or think I want is outside the realm of what the brain feels comfortable with right now.  Instead of getting frustrated, Advanced Bitches roll up our sleeves and get to problem solving.  We contain multitudes and we can no longer pretend that we are sabotaging ourselves.  

Claiming self-sabotage is just another form of self-hate that leads us nowhere.  It keeps us experiencing shame and guilt.  Here’s the tricky part: concluding that my inaction or action is self-sabotage is easier than changing.  It’s easier than problem solving and most importantly, it is another way to stay indoctrinated into a toxic family system.  They love it when we blame ourselves for not achieving.

Magical Assignment:

Think about something you have labeled as self-sabotage.  Now, get curious about what might be going on instead of self-sabotage.  Start getting curious about the real reason you didn’t do something.  If it’s a new habit that you want to do, become a habit expert, and start running experiments.   Perhaps you need more accountability or more support.  At the very least lose the concept of “self-sabotage” and instead say this to yourself, “Hmmmm, I say I want to do x, but I notice it’s not happening.  Isn’t that interesting.” 

With love and fairy dust,
Elizabeth