Make A Truce with Your Inner Saboteur

Advanced Bitchifesto tenet number 3 is Advanced Bitches master the art of recognizing and declining the engagement of their Internalized Trauma Voice.  I use the term Internalized Trauma Voice interchangeably with “inner saboteur” and Freud’s concept of the super ego.  They all refer to the voice in your head that’s not very nice to you.  It’s the voice that says things like “you’re not enough” or “you’re doing it wrong” or “things will never go well for you.”

A truism in life and for the psyche is “what you resist, persists.”  And I learned from Star Trek that “Resistance is Futile.”  If I told my internal trauma voice that “Hey, yes I am enough! How dare you,” it would simply wait until the next time my “I’m not enough” trauma button gets pushed again and say, “See, I told you so, dumbass, you’ll never be enough (maybe all Disney villains are just personified trauma voices).

The trauma voice will patiently hide in the background and wait for the opportunity to strike.  So I decided long ago that I was no match for my inner saboteur, so I decided to stop trying to fight her and instead start to work with her.  She was not a fan because stopping the resistance took the wind out of her sails.  I started to recognize and distinguish her voice from mine (the bitch sound exactly like me).  That was me mastering the art of recognizing my Internalized Trauma Voice and once I did that, I suggested this truce which has remained the same to this day, which was how I began mastering the art of declining the engagement of my Internalized Trauma Voice.

The Truce:  Dear Internalized Trauma Voice (ITV), I have a deal I think you might be interested in.  I will be willing to believe, made miserable by, and be controlled by your beliefs, but I have one condition.  I insist that what you have to say must be TRUE.  It must be 100% true without any exceptions.  In other words, there must be exactly ZERO evidence to the contrary.  

ITV: “Elizabeth, see, you’re not and will never be enough.”  Me: Welp, I hate to break it to you, but I have a few degrees, so apparently, I was enough to meet all the criteria in those instances, so I’m ever so sorry, I have evidence that I was enough, which means, it’s not 100% true…so yeah…what else you got?

ITV: “Elizabeth, you’re doing it wrong.”  Me: Okay, but am I really tho??? Let’s take my fitness level right now.  Can I do my ever elusive split? No.  Do I lift weights as often as I should? No.  But, um…I’m 57 and I’m still alive, so I must be doing something right.  

ITV: “Elizabeth, things will never go well……okay I give up – that one’s not true either – I can unfortunately see that some things have gone well for you….okay, you foiled me again, but I’ll be back – “you’re not a good mother” usually works, so I’ll try that one later and maybe you’ll forget our truce and believe it.”

Magical Assignment:

What’s the last mean thought that you had about yourself?  Are you sure that you/the Advanced Bitch in you is saying that?  (do you recognize that the Advanced Bitch in you would never say that, so it must be your ITV?)  Now, as if you are a matter of fact lawyer presenting a case in front of a jury of your peers, kindly present your evidence to the contrary. 

Reference:  Byron Katie (1994). Loving What Is