Judgmental Recovery

Hello, hello, hello…good to see you!

Look! A Testimonial for my Irreverent Imposter Syndrome Guide:

This class was so good and so helpful and so real I didn’t want it to end! So I watched it all a second time :)  If you struggle with showing up as yourself, Elizabeth’s magic, stories and words of wisdom might just be the push you need to end that nonsense.

Sign up for your exclusive class here: https://www.advancedbitches.com/imposter

Today’s Fairy Dusted Lesson:

Parent: What fruit is this?  

Toddler: Aple  

Parent: Yay!!!!  

Parent: What fruit is this? 

Toddler: Bannaer 

Parent: Yay!!! You’re so smart!!!

Parent: What animal is this?

Toddler: Cowwww and goes Mooo!

Parent (laughing and smiling): Yes!!!

Parent:  This is food. Yumyumyum, but this (holding up the Tide Pod the child tried to put in its mouth) is poison Yuk Yuk – it will make you sick.  

Toddler: (points to Tide Pod): Yukkyyyy!  PONSON!!! (sticks tongue out, pretends to be sick)

Parent (smiling/gives hugs):  Good job!!! So smart!!!

Parent: Your cousin Nate is coming today

Toddler:  (Upset face) Don’t like Nate.  Nate not nice.

Parent: No, we don’t say that.  Nate is nice, Nate’s your cousin.  You love playing with Nate.

We were trained from childhood to judge everything to make sure that we fucking lived.  To judge is to be human. Luckily, the brain is a judging machine.  I mean, when is the brain not judging?  This, not that.  Brush teeth, then shower.  Paper over plastic. Card or cash? This is an apple, this is poison, this is a normal leaf, this has leaves of three – let them be.  This is your yard, and this is your neighbor’s yard.  This is a snake, and this is a hose.  A blue Powerade is something to drink, Windex is not. 

All of a sudden, if it’s a person or a person’s behavior, we must shut down our internal judgement system of what is safe or unsafe/fun or not fun/scary or not scary/mean or not mean/creepy or not creepy, etc.  That makes zero sense because let me tell you I have encountered more toxic people than toxic plants.

I think the only thing fawns are more terrified of is being accused of than “being judgmental” is “being selfish,” which means, we’re on to something (Extra tool:  anything you’re afraid of in a relationship is because you’ve received the message loud and clear that to do that would be dangerous.  The fear is meant to keep you quiet, compliant and in line).

Therefore, we must conclude that to control us, the powers that be told you to shut down the judgement of people.  They even had the audacity to bring God into it to up the level of control.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s genius.  Of course, people in charge (ahem, men) don’t want us to judge them.  To be good = don’t be judgemental. 

Let’s replace the definition of the word judge and judge:

1. “She didn’t pay back the money – I didn’t understand she was untrustworthy until now – oh, but I shouldn’t be judgmental.” 
2. “She didn’t pay back the money – I didn’t understand she was untrustworthy until now – oh, but I shouldn’t “make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.” 

Before reading this, if a good friend says “I shouldn’t be judgmental” after telling the truth of her experience, we might stay silent or nod in agreement.  But if that same good friend said, “I shouldn’t make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions”, we would have asked if she is okay, in a complex or lost her damn mind.  

Here’s where I’m at:  To not use my brilliant brain to judge others is self-gaslighting.  A year ago, I would have said something like, I’m allowed to see what I see and my experience of someone is valid.  Now, I’m simply proud to be as judgmental AF.  Gavels at the ready.

With so much love and fairy dust,

Elizabeth

Disclaimer:  Although I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, I offer these Advanced Lessons in Personal Growth as a trauma survivor who is doing the work to heal and sharing the magic I learn along the way.  I share my own experience, strength, and hope.  This is not intended to be psychotherapy.  Some of the lessons and assignments could be triggering, so I recommend if you do find them triggering to stop reading/not try them and to immediately seek the support and expertise of a professional psychotherapist.