Joy, Healing and Meaning from Goal Setting

The Irreverent Imposter Syndrome Guide deconstructs Imposter Syndrome so you can be yourself and not an imposter anymore.  One side effect of less imposter syndrome is More You!  The Modules:

1. Imposter Syndrome is a Part of You (Not all of you!)
2. Imposter Syndrome is a Complex/Emotional Flashback
3. Imposter Syndrome is Complex Trauma
4. Imposter Syndrome is Misogyny, Racism and Homophobia
5. Imposter Syndrome is Fawn Trauma and Self-Knowledge 
6. Why Cinderella Doesn't Have Imposter Syndrome

Today’s Fairy Dusted Lesson:

My therapist asked me, “What do you want?”  I said, “I don’t know.”  He said, "That’s not going to fly with me.”  I wanted to close the laptop and say goodbye – of course, I acted out that joke with him, but he wouldn’t let up.  I froze, sat there in silence for a few agonizing minutes and cried off half of my lashes because I just couldn’t find the answer.  My therapist said, “it doesn’t matter what you want – all that matters is the meaning you make of it.”  That helped.   

Part of my problem is that I know external things won’t make me happy.  So, when I think, “I want this thing, I already know the psychology of habituation, so I know eventually, the “thing” won’t really give me what I want.  I heard a woman on TikTok who has a no-buy year, and she said, “the happiest you’ll be with something you covet is right before you click the purchase button” and I think she might be right.  I’ve been so excited about getting something, but then why does it sit in the box for 5 days after it’s delivered?  

My pickle is that not having a goal (something I want) has robbed me of direction, self-knowledge and joy.  

• Direction: without direction, I’ve been flailing.   The floundering has created a self-fulfilling prophecy where I have my hands in different pots, and I proclaim, “I don’t know what I want to do!”  That brings me back to being lost, which now I’m realizing is me recreating the lost feeling I had in childhood.  The lack of direction has led to a lot of quitting and overwhelm.  No thanks. 
• Self-knowledge: I don’t get to know the feeling of success, accomplishment or pride.  Again, a childhood rewounding.  I don’t get to know the feeling of not quitting something challenging because eh – it doesn’t really matter.  And I know that a lot of my professional choices post-successful private practice were due to being influenced and not inner guidance led. 
• Joy:  Conscious goal achieving is a joyful act (Unconscious goal achieving isn’t – it’s imposter syndromey.  Self-talk like “oh that was nothing, so and so did it so much bigger and better, it’s not enough, etc.).  Did you see the joy during the Olympics?  It was everywhere.  I want some of that.

I decided on two goals that kind of go together.  One is an expensive piece of jewelry, and the other is to make the money from social media to buy the piece of jewelry. There is still a part of me that thinks that it’s lame and it won’t matter, and I’ll probably quit anyway, but right now, I’m deciding to want my goals, be excited about my goals, work toward my goals and get the direction, self-knowledge and joy that comes from committing to them.  That’s the meaning I intend to make from it.  

A Quest for you if you choose:  As an act of self-knowledge aka healing the self, begin to keep an ongoing list of Things I Want in your journal.  Choose one and go for it!!!!  Make it mean something and let the meaning of it be revealed to you along the way.

With so much love and fairy dust,

Elizabeth

Disclaimer:  Although I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, I offer these Advanced Lessons in Personal Growth as a trauma survivor who is doing the work to heal and sharing the magic I learn along the way.  I share my own experience, strength, and hope.  This is not intended to be psychotherapy.  Some of the lessons and assignments could be triggering, so I recommend if you do find them triggering to stop reading/not try them and to immediately seek the support and expertise of a professional psychotherapist.