What the soul wants
Jul 16, 2024Hello, hello, hello…good to see you!
“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised, fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed – to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as is.” – Parker Palmer
I hate daily email, but there is one I subscribe to called Grateful Living because they’ve introduced me to so many quotes I haven’t seen before, like the one above. As a fawn, it hurt my feelings. When a quote hurts my feelings or kicks my ass, I know my life and the life of those I love is about to get better.
When we advise, fix or save, aka act from our codependency/fawn trauma response, we miss a chance to witness their soul in its perfection. We can not do both. We have to choose. When we advise, fix or save, they realize that we aren’t witnessing. I’m writing this before I head to Charlotte to be there for my daughter’s surgery (nothing scary), and I want to remember this and embody it. I’m on “you should…” and “why don’t you…” restriction.
I’m thinking about how when someone dies, one of the things we lose is a witness to our life. Someone who knew what we were up to and cared. Now I’m thinking of the greater meaning of that – when someone that we love dies, we lose a safe person who witnessed our soul in its perfection. Oof.
One time my son, Trent, gave me the biggest compliment. It was an inscription in a journal. It was after Basic Training and referenced while other mothers sent long letters about missing their boys, I sent Trent articles from The Onion, jokes from his favorite comedians, and pictures of our dog. The journal inscription read, “I learned something while I was at Basic from what you sent me – you know who I am.”
That’s what I want from all my relationships to be. I want to be known and to know. I want to witness and be witnessed.
Think about your interactions this week. Did you advise or witness?
*Disclaimer: Although I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, I offer these Advanced Lessons in Personal Growth as a trauma survivor who is doing the work to heal and sharing the magic I learn along the way. I share my own experience, strength, and hope. This is not intended to be psychotherapy. Some of the lessons and assignments could be triggering, so I recommend if you do find them triggering to stop reading/not try them and to immediately seek the support and expertise of a professional psychotherapist.
With so much love and fairy dust,
Elizabeth
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